The Awl finds a wonderful site that turned the entire Facebook Terms of Service into Brospeak.
A few examples.
Sharing your Content and Information:
Facebook: “You own all of the content and information you post on Facebook, and you can control how it is shared through your privacy and application settings. In addition:”
Bro Speak: “Good news! Everything you put on Facebook is yours. Seriously, we would never steal it from you, because that would be a dick move. You have complete control over your own shit in the settings. Uh, except for a few things:”
“Facebook: “We do our best to keep Facebook safe, but we cannot guarantee it. We need your help to do that, which includes the following commitments:”
Bro Speak: “We really, really want Facebook to be safe! But we can’t actually promise you that it’s safe. This is the Internet, bro; it’s like the fucking Wild West out there. But we do have the very realistic expectation that everyone will follow these rules, all the time:”
And so on. We could read this all day. We just might.