I’m not sure who to blame. His mother, perhaps, or the public school system. But it turns out that my son – days away from graduating from High School- does not know how to send mail through the U.S. Postal Service. 

I am not making this up.

The boy has a smartphone, a tablet and a laptop, does some basic coding, is pretty good at CAD and gets excellent grades. He can bang out what appears to be 60 words per minute using only his thumbs. But a letter? Forget about it – he doesn’t even know how to properly address an envelope. 

The Mysteries Of Snail Mail

The only reason I discovered this is because his mother and I told him it was appropriate – and highly profitable – to send graduation announcements to his grandparents, aunts and uncles.

I witnessed the entire confounding process.

First, he wrote the mailing address on the top right of the envelope – and only the address, no name. I corrected him, fatherly like, handing him a fresh envelope: “The mailing address goes in the center. It has to be personalized.”

Success! I then handed him a stamp. This clearly baffled him. The notion of a physical stamp seemed like witchcraft. “A stamp is required,” I continued. 

He placed it, carefully, in the top left corner of the envelope.

“That’s not where it goes! Don’t you know how to mail a letter.” I was beginning to lose patience.

We started again- though I told him he owed me $.50 for the ruined stamp. This time, he printed – though his penmanship is atrocious – the name and address, correctly, in the center of the envelope. Next, he carefully placed the stamp, level straight, on the top right, as I instructed.

So far so good: “Now put the return address on the top right.” I said.” Print clearly, please.”

He stared back at me. “What’s a return address?”

He’s almost ready to register with the Selective Service and he doesn’t knowwhat a return address is!

I breathed in, deeply. “A return address is your address. Our address.”

“They’re not sending this envelope back to me, are they?” he asked.

“It’s required by the Post Office!” I barked.

He rolled his eyes with an obscene level of teenage skepticism, though was wise enough to comply.

I took the completed letter from him, deciding it best that I personally take it to the post office. 

What’s Happening Here?

How is it possible that the world’s most connected, most tech-savvy generation ever does not know how to mail a letter? What else don’t they know?

I stopped at the doorway, inspired. “Get your computer. Go to USPS.gov (turns out it’s really USPS.com).” If he saw for himself – on the screen – how to properly mail a letter, maybe he’d get it, I thought. 

Unfortunately, the Postal Service doesn’t know it has a problem here. We couldn’t find any instructions at all on how to mail a letter. Not from the USPS home page, nor from its”Quick Tools” section, nor the SEND MAIL tab, nor even from the FAQs – including the “common questions” section. 

“Google it. Google ‘how to address a letter‘.”

The results came back instantly. The very first entry was from the Walter L. Parsley Elementary School. There, with text and pictures, were simple instructions for addressing a letter. 

Perhaps it’s too late for letter writing, though. If my son could get this far without knowing how to mail a letter, I fear the writing is already on the wall. If not on the envelope. 

Lead image courtesy of Shutterstock.